Hi there! I hope that you are well.
I recently stumbled on some of my old blog posts, and this particular post jumped at me. I thought to share with you. These are the lessons I learnt from Kemi Adetiba’s “King Woman” series in 2017.
Today, actually this evening, I will be sharing some lessons I learnt (you know I like to share my lessons) from watching Kemi Adetiba’s “King Woman” series (let me add that this is a phenomenal platform where people especially our generation can learn from those who have gone ahead sharing their stories vulnerably, thank you ma @Kemi Adetiba for this!) of Remi Fagbohun’s interview (episode 10). If you haven’t please check it out here:
Remi Fagbohun’s interview on King Woman series Series
To begin, I would say there are many lessons to pick from her interview, however, the lessons I would be sharing here are those that have stuck with me deeply, and vulnerably resonates with me.
In essence, the lessons are not exhaustive, so you can pick out something that sparks a fire in you as you go along here or when you watch the video later.
Here it goes:
Define Who you are: People who know me, especially those who are really close to me, can attest to the fact that I am a big fan of ‘Defining who you are’. yes! I know we are in the process of self discovery and all but we all can give a definition of who we are regardless of the situation or circumstance we find ourselves.
From her story, I learnt if you don’t define who you are, you would always seek “approval” from other people based on their own definition of you (enough said)
Who are You? or Who you be?
Build Inner strength: Sharing the story of her mother, she mentioned “she wasn’t strong enough”. Her mother didn’t have that inner strength to overcome the mountains that arose against her marriage and family.
I learnt that as individuals, we have got to build inner strength and capacity, not because there won’t be big mountains but because we must overcome and fight for what is ours. In her words, ‘my mother was cranky, unhappy’, Dang! Our happiness should not be dependent on any man, a man can be a part of it but not the whole of it.
If you rely solely on another person with everything that you can’t be without them, then something is wrong and you need to get out of that situation. I think this is where Inner Strength and Capacity comes in.
Friends are life savers, especially the GOOD ONES: In her interview, she said her friends were an escape for her from all the things that were going on. Her friends were her solace, she could be herself around them without any form of inferiority because they knew who she was and they liked her. Her friends then, are still are friends now (over thirty years).
Guys, Ladies surround yourself with good people especially good friends who will stand with, for and by you through thick and thin. You have them around, you just need to be more intentional about them.
Always look for a way of escape in any situation you find yourself : Ben Carson in his book ‘You have a Brain’ shared a story of a missionary couple who were being pursued by armed robbers, after running, they came up to a brick wall and they were stuck. They didn’t know what to do, there was no place they could run to, or hide but the husband looked around and found a tiny hole where they could hide. They went into the hole, hid themselves and were saved from the armed robbers.
Remi said, ‘I had to look for a way out’ I had to find a way. Guys, Ladies, there is always a way out of that difficult situation, there is always a way out of the brick wall. Look for it, Look around.
Search, think, there is always a solution right in front of you.
Don’t let your situation or circumstance determine your response to people: The reality is life happens to a lot of us or life is happening to a whole of us, nonetheless, this should not determine how we treat one another. Be Kind to everyone, choose to be happy irrespective of what is going on believing that you will come out a survivor.
You should always Give back: In her interview she said, yes, my friends liked me but I wanted to able to give something in return. Because we have found favour or received assistance does not mean we should fold our hands and lay back. Rather we should be able to give back, contribute something in our relationships and friendships.
‘Please Erase the entitlement mentality from your relationships’
Know your self worth: I always say ‘you are valuable’. As human beings, we are all valuable, there is something special about each of us. You must find it and VALUE it because that is what makes you who you are.
Lastly, keep working, grinding and believing: In your place of work (put in your best), do it diligently, hope for the best and believe that every situation is a phase. Like it is said,
‘nothing lasts forever, no situation is permanent’
*Whew* that was a long one, I hope you learnt from it. If you did, share your lessons by commenting and holla if you have watched the video.
Thank you for reading, I look forward to hearing from you guys.
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